it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
