I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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