the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
