I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
