They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
