i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sext me about skeletons
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize