My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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