New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
