Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
