I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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