mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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