He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
