You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
