why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
