Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
