lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
