you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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