I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
