How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
