Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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