Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
