U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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