I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
