And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
