when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
