I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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