I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize