well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
