I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
