the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
