Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
