thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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