I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
