I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
His nipple licking is glorious
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