She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
