he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
