Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
