No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
