I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
