I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
