I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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