fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
