you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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