i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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