i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
