I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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