were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
