Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
