yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
