well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just found puke in my bra..
two words...techno handjob
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
