I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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