if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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