she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
