I CAN MOONWALK!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
