I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
