My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
