woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
