No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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