I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize