Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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