I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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