The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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