i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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