the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
