I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
