I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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