He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
