I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
