She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
