is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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