$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
