wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
