New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
