We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
