this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
