Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
