vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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