is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize