Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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