Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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