My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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