I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry about my life...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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